i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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