having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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