I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
