Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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