she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
