Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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