Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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