i love accidental penises.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
