I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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