Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
