he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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