you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
