I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
