Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
it hurts more in the daytime
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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