My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize