Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
