I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
