He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
