jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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