Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
