you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
