I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
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