Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
