giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
your like the ambassador to my penis.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
