The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
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