In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
