the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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