i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
