just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
