If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
