shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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