I'm really into asian looking animals
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
