Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
that is very illegal...i love you.
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