Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
