If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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