Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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