i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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