I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
