It's Friday. Sex?
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
