Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
