At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The struggles of a small town man whore
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
