I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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