We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
