Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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