There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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