Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
