My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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