Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize