"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
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