We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
