My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
