is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
