white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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