Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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