i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
