I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
