You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
