What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
