Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
